Photo by Ant Rozetsky on Unsplash
The best thing that happened to me was being in a job I hated. Why? Because it forced me to overcome my procrastination and take action towards living the life I wanted. The feeling of desperation every morning as I faced the prospect of going to my work was overwhelming. It felt like being trapped in a tight space with no way out. How I got there? Why did I made the decision that had landed me there? What was my purpose in life? A continuous self-questioning created an opposite feeling. A strong sense that I needed to get out. I was in survival mode.
Sometimes the most unexpected paths lead to our greatest discoveries.
When I realized that I was stuck in a lifestyle that drained my passion and creativity, it felt like a setback. Little did I know that navigating through days filled with dissatisfaction would eventually lead the way for a transformative experience. This was a turning point in my personal growth journey. I learned that I not longer wanted my income to come from a job. Rather, I wanted to be my own boss. That old corporate office life was not aligned with my dreams any more. And truly, I think that’s why I hated the job. I learned, that it wasn’t the company, or my boss, or the industry, what was causing my distress. But rather my own mindset and the new life I dreamt for me that felt so distant at the moment.
In this post I will share the reasons of why the best thing that happened to me was to be in a job I hated. Also, how it became the catalyst for profound personal growth and positive change and how you can use this story to create the changes you need in your life.
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Self-Discovery Through Discomfort
When you are stuck in a situation you don’t like, it will push you to reflect how you got there. Is really a self-discovery trip to your core emotions and roots. Is a scary process but also a really satisfying one. I discovered that my career path was heavily influenced by my father’s setbacks. I also realized that I chose my career in hopes of rectifying his failures through my own education and professional success. However, before I decided on that course, I wanted to pursue a creative path, attending a design school to nurture my passion for painting. I loved painting. Instead, I opted for accounting and landed a job at a bank, just as my father once told me.
I also discovered that I made decision in my life expecting for my parents approval. Leaving my own happiness in the background. At my 39, I found myself living the limitations and challenges of these decisions. It was necessary to reassess both my short and long-term goals. Confronting the self-imposed limitations that did not longer made me happy.
I guess what I am trying to say is, don’t lose yourself away if you are in a period of your life that you don’t like where you are. Make sure you can learn from it. Use it for self discovery. One of the things that really helped me to get direction and purpose was reflecting about my life using this five minute journal from Intelligent Change. This journal guided me to learn what caused me to be there in that job. And then, to re-write my story. I started to design a clear part for my present and future. It’s a scary process and the best way to go through it, is to embrace this process, embrace your present.
Igniting the Spark of Change
Certainly, embracing discomfort will lead to transformation. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise for me. The persistent feeling of unhappiness in my job ignited that desire to change. That feeling fueled me to seek new opportunities, challenges, and possibilities outside my comfort zone.
If you don’t like where you are, you need to move. By learning how I arrived to this job I hated, was key to learn how to change it. For example, another revelation I learnt in my process was that my procrastination was a consequence of trying to avoid that suffocating feeling I described before. However, this avoidance only escalated the pressure, leading to stress and even physical illness. On top of that, there was the added stress of a challenging financial situation. All of those pressures, made me realized that I could not longer continue like that. I needed to change.
At first, I resisted. Fear and doubts were present throughout my process. However, I could not spend another year in the same spot, with the same sadness and the same lifestyle. I was rewriting my story. New learnings, new set back, new fears, new everything. And in this new life, the old me had to die. Learning to use this feeling as a motivation for change, was and is the biggest challenge.
Journaling and change
But change is not just a motivational speech. To create change yo need to move, to act. The best way to do that is to create goals and develop a clear plan of action that moves in small incremental steps. You don’t need big investment. Small changes are more manageable and have a higher probability to stick to your lifestyle. Remember, that a thousand step journey, starts with one step. Just move one step at a time and you will start to see the change, and that will continue to fuel your motivation.
Cultivating Resilience
What is Resilience? It was the question I had the first time I heard the word. Brene Brown, in her book The gifts of Imperfections, describes resilience as the ability to overcome adversity. Enduring a job I hated cultivated resilience, teaching me to navigate uncertainty, with strength and faith.
When you are in a situation that you don’t like, is stress all over the place. I remember that I cried almost every night. I did not wanted to share this feeling with my circle. To their eyes I was blessed. Sadly the real me, was dying inside. This feeling made me fail. It was not just that I hated the job, it was also that the lied I had told myself for all of these years, was also publicly coming to pieces.
My subconscious was betraying me. But also, because I was working on my dream, I was using my best energy to work on that. It was obvious that I was to fail at one, and failing at my dream was not an option. I had to built a hope shield around me. I taught myself that despite uncertainty, what I wanted to achieve was going to happen, one way or another.
Learning the importance of payer
Brent Brown explains that spirituality is essential to cultivate resilience and overcome adversity. One thing I did a lot was to pray. Pray lead me to faith and hope. By Praying, it foster a sense of finding self awareness, that at some point made me vulnerable to myself as I discovered hidden truths about me. But all of these elements made me succeed at changing my lifestyle. I became resilient. Writing in my journal, was key to helping me in this self-awareness journey. Undoubtedly, journaling guides you to first understand your inner self and second, to write your goals and plans for the future. Don’t overestimate the power journaling can have in your life.
Foster Creativity and Innovation
I’ve always had a deep passion for art and creativity in various forms. However, I set aside these passions such as painting, writing, and coloring, in pursuit of what my father referred to as a “real career.” Surprisingly, and another reason of why the best thing that happened to me was to be in a job I hated, is that I needed art as a stress outlet. I rediscover the importance of art in my life.
Incredible enough, the more I did it, the more I needed art to be part of my life. I started to find creative ways to include art outlets as part of my life. First, I started with coloring books, then I move to create paper flowers, then to make flower arrangements, then I started to paint them. At the end, I was having painting sessions in my home with my neighbors and teaching them how to create original beautiful flower vases. Then I started to watch YouTube video and take online course about everything. After that I researched ways to make an income, and being innovative in a market I really did not know much about. Am I successful? I don’t know, ask me in a year or two. But I am certainly happy. And that’s truly the objective.
Embracing Personal Growth
At the end, you need to embrace change and growth. I feel I have been repetitive in this sentence. I have heard throughout my life, that your old self needs to die for you to be able to change. It sounds easy, just start a new day doing the right things, right? But it’s incredible hard. Let go of your old habits, emotions, specially at my age, felt discouraging at times. Listening to a podcast with Robert Green, he said that changing after 50 years old is almost impossible. I almost let that idea to get the best of me, I am not 50, but I am certainly not 20. Faith, true faith kept me going. However, don’t get me wrong, is not necessarily just faith in the divine. Is faith in yourself what will help you. Believing in yourself, is key to achieve anything really.
I was raised with the thought that you need to be perfect in everything you do to be able to be loved. Re-learning truly, like Brene Brown explains, that perfectionism is a protective mechanism that we create to shelter us from the things we fear, in my case, not being love, was a step by step, with setback process. Learning to embrace change, is also learning to embrace failure. At some point I envied MarK Manson when he wrote that he was fortunate because he entered his adult life already a failure. It gave him an advantage in life. To succeed you need failure. Learning that to fail is a good thing, is one of the best teaching life can give you.
Embracing failure
Another reason that the best thing that happened to me was to be in a job I hated, was because I failed at that job. I did everything wrong in that job position. At first, I cried because in my mind it meant that I was not loved. It was really the first time I had failed at something. I was an honor student through college, got a job right after school, and a good one. Made my parents and grandparents proud. Everyone talked about how good I was in what I did.
But then, my mom and grandparents die. I learnt about my father mistakes, so his old version I admired so, die. I had no one to make proud of my job and job successes. When I looked around me, the only person that really mattered was myself. Then I asked, Am I proud of myself? The answer was no. And that answer was my biggest second failure. That answer made me uncomfortable. Made me want to change, made me resilient, and after a while, in looking to make me proud, I was not longer that old person, she died. I changed.
I think it was Nelson Mandela who said:
“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”
Stop being afraid of failure, and look at it for what it is, a step on the ladder of success.
Embracing Gratitude
How could I be grateful in a job I hate? At the end I was. Without it, I will had continue to be a fake person in the world. Learning to be grateful was key for my process to be successful. I think, the first thing to be grateful for is my path and for my parents. I know they truly did the best they could. Learning to love them with all of their mistakes, is truly the only way to love.
Another aspect of being grateful is that it will help you live in the moment, and forgive yourself of past mistakes. As I have already laid out, mistakes/failures are good to have. But don’t dwell on them too much, as it can transform in your “hell loop”. Learn to move on. The best way to do that is to understand that everyone, every single soul in this world, make mistakes. And it is ok.
In the case you are struggling with learning to be grateful to yourself, try keeping a Gratitude Journal. Write at least three things daily that you feel grateful during the day and remember those. Practice Mindfulness, count your blessings, and be compassionate to others.
Closing Thoughts
In retrospect, being in a job I dislike was not a roadblock but a stepping stone towards self-discovery, resilience, creativity, and personal growth. The challenges and discomfort I faced in that job transformed into valuable lessons, insights, and motivations that propelled me towards my dreams. Remember, sometimes the best thing that can happen to you is to find yourself in a place you never wanted to be. It will fuel change. Embrace it.
