When I think of an independent woman, Maya Angelou’s poem “Phenomenally Woman” immediately comes to my mind: 

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies…

I say, It’s in the click of my heel, the bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, the need of my care ‘Cause I’m a women Phenomenal. Phenomenally women, That’s me.

I love how she repeats that throughout the poem. Even if it is “in the reach of my arm or the fire of my eyes”, the conclusion is the same, I am phenomenal. “That’s me”, phenomenally as long as I believe in myself I am Phenomenal.

But… what is an Independent Woman? 

When you search on the internet  “independent woman,” Destinys Child’s song is the first thing that pop-ups. A song full of references that to be independent, you need to be able to buy your own stuff. I don’t agree with this completely. Sure, it’s nice to have the economic power to do it so. However, to be an independent woman goes beyond just sustaining yourself financially, it’s rotted in our ability to choose. You can be a homestay mom and still be completely independent.

To be an independent woman then, it’s a choice to be happy, to be us, to be unique, regardless of what surrounds us. Take Maya Angelou’s life, for example, raped at eight, a waitress, a prostitute a cook and a dancer. However,  one of the best writers of her time. She did not let her surroundings to determine her future. In that sense, take any women that have made an impact in the world. Jane Austen, Marie Curie or Elenor Roosevelt, all were women that challenged their conditions and in doing so became independent.

But again, Independent …. of What? 

The next question that comes to my mind is, independent “of what?.  Abby Wambach, the 1980’s American soccer star, wrote:

“Imperfect men have been empowered and permitted to run the world since the beginning of time. It’s time for imperfect women to grant themselves permission to join them.”

Abby Wambach

History made us dependent on men but even more, it has made us dependent on perfection. How many times have you judge yourself, or stop taking pictures of yourself until you lose some pounds,? or not publishing that blog post until it is perfect to the last comma? We punish ourselves most of the time, because we have this idea, that we are worthy if we are perfect.

Jane Austen was one of the first women to note this and fight it. There is a scene in Pride and Prejudice between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet conversing about what an “accomplish woman is”, and how he only knew six. The discussion ends with Elizabeth saying (after learning of the extensive list of qualifications a woman should have):

“I am not longer surprised at you knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at you knowing any.”

Jane Austen

The interesting fact of this scene, at least for me, is that the person detailing the requirements of an accomplished woman was indeed another woman!

We need to start believing that it is ok to be imperfect. Even more, we ned to start supporting each other, by not judging and criticizing at every other woman that does not dress, talks or behave like us. Each woman has her own story and path to walk to, the best way to it is by undertaking our differences and accepting them instead of judging.

So, What is to be an independent woman?

So to be an independent woman is to be able to choose and fight for what makes us happy, regardless of our circumstances, understanding that we don’t need to be perfect to be great.  We just have to break the chains that are holding us back to where we want to be. It won’t be easy. Nevertheless,  the process of doing it is what makes us independent. We just have to decide.

And even so, I will like to lay out some definitions of what an independent woman is not (so that my enthusiasm is not to overly misunderstood):

• About being lonely, you can have a relationship and still be independent. As a matter of fact, partners need to be independent to have a good relationship.
• Of being a feminist. Is about believing in yourself and in your right to have a choice, this idea is not a social movement, is mainly about you and defining who you are, whom do you want to be and how to get there.
• About being rich, things/money will not make you independent, if much it would make your happiness dependent on the things you have and want, which is the contrary.

Books of Independent Women

Here I will let you the 7 books that helped me through my process of becoming independent and are showing me the way to believe in me:

• In the Company of Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Makers, Artists, and Entrepreneurs, by Grace Bonney.
• The Moment of Lift, by Melinda Gates
• I am Malala, by Malala Yousafzai
• Lean In, by Sheryl Sandberg
• Rising Strong and Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
• Emma, Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion by Jane Austen
• Phenomenal Woman: 4 Poems Celebrating Women by Maya Angelou

Take these books and read them as many times as you need them. Take phrases, the ones that appealed more to you, and put them in places you see all the time. Write down in you journal every phrase and quote you like and read it every time you need it. This will help you remember, that you are not alone in this. That many women have gone through stuff and have overcome it. And have become more powerful in their minds and in their hearts. In doing it so, have become Independent Women! So hang in there. We can do this!